The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
