dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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