Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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