Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
