Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
