roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
