i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
