On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
