Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm bleeding and have questions
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
