better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
