I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
