I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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