does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
