it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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