this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
