dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
