We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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