I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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