Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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