I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
