I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
