dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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