I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
