so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
