My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
