Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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