dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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