Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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