Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We got so high we made milksteak
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
