my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
