I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize