the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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