the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
