Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
