If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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