I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
do nipples grow back?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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