3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
