I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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