Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
