i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
