I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
