that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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