I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
