just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
