you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
