3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
