What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
