based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
