i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
