I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
