Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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