It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
