yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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