We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
