Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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